The hugging/venting thread

[FLAOFEI]

Note: I started this post as a response to Ricky, but it was hardly helpfull, so I deleted that part and kept my vent. What I do have to say to Ricky is: People can take offence to anything, If you don't like the response you get you can change 3 things. What you say, how you say it, or how much you care. My advice is to stick to your values. Rules are good guidelines, but in the end, you just have to be true to yourself.
Sorry if that's totally unhelpful in every way... But yeah... Good luck anyway.

And here's my vent:
I'm horrible at reading people.. So yeah... That's pretty much the roots of all my problems. That's actually exactly what lost me my girlfriend. I was never 100% sure if I stayed with her cause I liked her that much, or if I just didn't want to be lonley... I had no idea at all actually... All the time I felt like I was lying to both her and myself, but I desperately wanted love and affection and all the huging that entitles.
I'm pretty happy we broke up, cause I don't feel the guilt any more, but I still miss her snuggles...
Yup... My love life is pretty much a train wreck, in a train where I was the only passenger... Idk...

[FLAOFEI]

Well fuck everything. You know how in groupworks there's always that one guy who doesnt do anything, and everybodys all passive aggressive to? Well that's me now. I try so hard not to be that guy, but I suck at planing my time, soI end up not working anyway. I hate it! And all that guilt doesn't help me start working either.

It's funny, I'm using aggressive music just to get me in a mood where I care little enough to go confront my group... If I didn't I'd probably just stay in bed all day browsing, wishing I was someone else...

Jez... I realised I'm doing it again. I'm on the subway, and I should probably atleast look at my work... But no. i spend all morning on mlr. And that's something I hate about myself. Gonna go procrastinate somewhere else now.

[Freewave]

I'm really having a hard time staying optimistic about making music in the "community". I think just about everyone I know well has left, and we all are afraid to reach back to each other, so we rarely do. I know I've dealt with these feelings multiple times before but it really feels like its unraveling to point of just tossing in the towel.

On one hand my YTube channel is doing better and picking subscribers then ever before, yet it just seems so hollow and i almost feel lethargic about releasing new music that is mostly ready to go. Add to that The Maressey Project which is truly depressing me as the first album release which was so much buildup for was so very anticlimactic. Zero feedback from any peers and fans, nothing but dead chatter in our skype. Now almost all the remaining work for the next 2 albums is to be completed by me although I have no group support or even a public demand for the remaining tracks. Part of me just wants to quit that early but on the other hand i don't want to disappoint those who've done their part already and given me vocals and stems. So just hoping to slog through that to a completion although i feel the wind is out of the sails.

I dunno at some point if it continues on like this there's no reason to keep carrying on when everything has changed and no one has my back. It feels like all the investing I've done to prop up a community spirit through blogs and events just isn't reflected in any goodwill or support back. Frankly it's just so depressing.

[Ricky Denzel]

At least you get subscribers. I have to deal with 6 subs... And YOU have successful projects. I on the other hand, work too damn hard for things and yet no one appreciates what I do for them. I let them express themselves, they find a problem with it. I do tedious planning, but no one wants to joins. "Not enough info" they say, "Not my style: they say. I had enough rejections in my life and it's even impossible for anyone to buy my albums. I fell like killing the world

[Mr. Bigglesworth]

Have you ever once sat sown and though that maybe you are your own problem?

[Acsii]

At least you get subscribers. I have to deal with 6 subs... And YOU have successful projects. I on the other hand, work too damn hard for things and yet no one appreciates what I do for them. I let them express themselves, they find a problem with it. I do tedious planning, but no one wants to joins. "Not enough info" they say, "Not my style: they say. I had enough rejections in my life and it's even impossible for anyone to buy my albums. I fell like killing the world

Arrogance is never the right way to approach stuff it will get you nowhere good.

[ExoBassTix]

I'm really having a hard time staying optimistic about making music in the "community". I think just about everyone I know well has left, and we all are afraid to reach back to each other, so we rarely do. I know I've dealt with these feelings multiple times before but it really feels like its unraveling to point of just tossing in the towel.

On one hand my YTube channel is doing better and picking subscribers then ever before, yet it just seems so hollow and i almost feel lethargic about releasing new music that is mostly ready to go. Add to that The Maressey Project which is truly depressing me as the first album release which was so much buildup for was so very anticlimactic. Zero feedback from any peers and fans, nothing but dead chatter in our skype. Now almost all the remaining work for the next 2 albums is to be completed by me although I have no group support or even a public demand for the remaining tracks. Part of me just wants to quit that early but on the other hand i don't want to disappoint those who've done their part already and given me vocals and stems. So just hoping to slog through that to a completion although i feel the wind is out of the sails.

I dunno at some point if it continues on like this there's no reason to keep carrying on when everything has changed and no one has my back. It feels like all the investing I've done to prop up a community spirit through blogs and events just isn't reflected in any goodwill or support back. Frankly it's just so depressing.

I think the key part here is that something is causing that fear to reach back to old friends. There is little more depressing than losing good friends, and I think you know. So, my word of advice: just go talk with them. Just talk. Recall why you were friends and remember why you'd still love to be friends with them. Trust me, if you do that, the rest will follow.

I'm not even gonna give you the chance to fall back in your head :) you go take action and make sure you have a good time doing it. Please remember how good it can be to just do. Act on your wish

[Ricky Denzel]

At least you get subscribers. I have to deal with 6 subs... And YOU have successful projects. I on the other hand, work too damn hard for things and yet no one appreciates what I do for them. I let them express themselves, they find a problem with it. I do tedious planning, but no one wants to joins. "Not enough info" they say, "Not my style: they say. I had enough rejections in my life and it's even impossible for anyone to buy my albums. I fell like killing the world

Arrogance is never the right way to approach stuff it will get you nowhere good.

Nothing got me nowhere. Still in the same rock... What can I do? And yes, Ascii. I have. End results: God, kill me

[eery]

Listen, ricky. You dont have a right to peoples attention. Instead of just blaming the world for not appericiating your "hard efforts" you should instead actually figure out and analyze what youre doing, and how it could be done better. Breaking down because of a number on your profilepage is low and being pissed at other peoples hardearned efforts is just shameless and wont get you anywhere.

You should accept that youre not at the level you want to be as a musician, and move forward from it. It seems like you just want to like "make it" instead of wanting the feeling of learning and improving, which is really the fun part about making music. I mean, I dont know you, I dont know, but this is what it seems like to me.

Freewave has worked hard, hes a seasoned musician, but this doesnt mean hes free of misery, and its just rude to say "Well you have this thing I dont have, so my misery is more valid than yours". What endgoal are you even getting at with that?

I will also say its hard to be sympathetic to you when you come with these apologies, then turn right around and pull shit like this.

[Ricky Denzel]

You're right but you're somewhat wrong. I'm not asking for sympathy. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I follow the steps and nothing work. I've been doing this for almost six years and I don't know what to say... I'm not saying that I'm mad at others. I'm ticked at myself. Look, I don't mean to get on others bad side and get mad at them, okay. All I'm asking is how I improve...There's no easy way of saying this, but it's the best I can put it. If I was mad at the people who are actually seasoned like Free, I would had bashed him straight away. I guess I still have a lot of learning to do. Not saying it's others fault and I'm not apologizing for anything.

I just don't know what to say. Just have a whole lot on my mind. Not making any excuses, just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm not new to this. I know what goes on, just not doing me any justice

[Facade]

can i get a hug? :(

[FLAOFEI]

Internet hug for you Facade

[ExoBassTix]

can i get a hug? :(

[Facade]

thanks guys

[Mr. Bigglesworth]

My best friend attempted suicide earlier this week, I won't give any specifics but she's ok now and she's got a plan on how to get better, that's what really matters. But I'm still kinda reeling from it because the thought of what could have happened scares me like nothing ever has before. We've known eachother for nearly 5 years, I think of her like a little sister. I don't know what I would have done if the worst happened.

[Facade]

My best friend attempted suicide earlier this week, I won't give any specifics but she's ok now and she's got a plan on how to get better, that's what really matters. But I'm still kinda reeling from it because the thought of what could have happened scares me like nothing ever has before. We've known eachother for nearly 5 years, I think of her like a little sister. I don't know what I would have done if the worst happened.

*hugs* i know this feeling one of my best friends attempted last night thankfully we got her to the hospital before anything bad could happen

[ExoBassTix]

I don't know how you do it. How do you persevere in such a busy life? How do you find the time for anything?

I'm lost and I know it. I don't wanna lose anything but helping it (which I want to) is encouraging it. And everything always accumulates to one answer: just do it. And I know that giving something attention makes it grow, but, again, I can't help pointing out that nobody who sees this as the right moment to throw memes at me is someone I want to have in my life.

Like, where does the bridge lead? Do I have to sacrifice my friends and shit just because I want to grow as a musician and as a person at college?

How do you afford to not be in touch with those you care about at any time?
AND YET FAIL TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU'RE AWARE YOU WANT TO?

[Facade]

AND YET FAIL TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU'RE AWARE YOU WANT TO?

this ;-; theres so many things i wish i would of said and so many things i wish i didnt say :(

[FLAOFEI]

I don't think I like myself as much as I should... I hate myself for not being able to focus on my studies, I hate myself for not having self-control enough to go to sleep before 2 in the morning, I hate myself for setting high as fuck expectations on myself, I hate myself for not reaching those goals, I hate myself for letting other people down when I should be helping them out, or atleast pulling my own weight. I don't even trust myself sometimes, cause I know I can be painfully wrong! I don't even know what my sexuality is, even though I have a crush on a guy! And I'm to afraid to talk about it cause I know hes into girls, and I'm afraid of loseing him as a friend! And that I don't even know myself enough to know what I'm feeling and what I'm just telling myself doesn't help!

Yup... I'm pretty sure it's mostly the stress speaking, but I know I usually just suppress all this crap (which is part of the problem but still).

Also, that's the first time I ever confessed to hating myself, and possibly being gay... And this is weird...

[Jason Martin]

Ugh. I really needed a thread like this. I've just been feeling so crappy about my life and whatnot lately.

For quite a bit of time, I've been attempting to try out and experiment with self-hypnosis, imposition, meditation, and the like. And I've always been told that I really need to keep at it for a really long time before I ever actually see any results. And so far, I've been feeling like I'll never really have the kind of time, motivation, and dedication to do that. I really want to find and be able to do so--I've always felt more of an introverted person and want to know what it feels like to have these results and this kind of mind state--but I just don't think I can ever, what with school and other stuff I gotta worry about for some reason, so I've just been acting lazy, then putting myself down without even trying to discipline myself to actually try harder. It's really made me hate my life a lot, and I know that I really gotta just try looking for it a little bit more, and really try to push myself from being the way I usually am and just go for it.

Music-wise, I've honestly also been feeling a bit crappy about my life in that way as well. So far, I've written a ton of lyrics, and thought of a few simple instrumental and vocal melodies for most of them. But I guess I'm just feeling like I can't remember and hold all those in my head until I can actually be able to get to producing them. I'm also feeling like I'm pretty much losing the living inspiration at this point, if I haven't already. I'm waiting for so long because I want to wait till Christmas to try and get as much of the stuff I need to really start as possible, and that so far is causing me a bit of stress and anguish and whatnot. Not to mention my family is also causing me hell-ish in a few complicated ways.

I also think that my self-image as both a musician and regular person is starting to sink a smidge toward the negative side. I mean, I guess I've always been a sort of introverted person, what with my autism and all. It's really hard for me to really--I mean REALLY--get along with people in just being myself, for sometimes I tend to do or say thing that I really wish had never even appeared in my head in the first place. I honestly don't know what to do about this in particular, since it's been this way for so long and I've basically just practically accepted it by now. I've always tried to stay or turn away from those I hate, but those I really like and love being around just don't ever seem to be around anymore. I really wish I could try and improve, but I don't really know how to do so without completely changing myself.

Anyhoo...yeah. Just a vent-out here. I guess I just want to know who out there and here understand me and whatnot, and I'll try and accept any possible advice that's given here, for that's a bit hard for me as well. Thanks...

[topitmunkeydog]

LETS JUST LETS JUST LETS JUST LETS JUST LETS JUST

[ExoBassTix]

You doing okay there J?

[kuakrsio]

One other bit of advice. I once took a "dating seminar" because frankly i was sick of being alone and i was clueless in the relationship department. What i took from that was pretty mind-expanding. The basic philosiphy that he was speaking was this; our confidence in ourselves is what we broadcast to the world and to ourselves. We make our own realities that way. So if I'm depressed all the time, feeling worthless, and undateable....that's not only something i project to others but to myself. Is that healthy? Is that attractive? Not at all. You can't find success in feeling depressed and disliking yourself.

You have to feel that you have some worth, some admirable points to yourself, and some hope of success. You have to have some sort of ego to where you believe in yourself. You need to have that self-confidence to feel good about yourself and also appeal to others to a degree. Or you can be a goth i guess, wear black, say life's unfair, and enjoy hating life. But personally that seems like that would be a big drag and be akin to giving up.

Fill your life with things you enjoy and avoid things that take away from that enjoyment. Don't be afraid to be your biggest supporter because you frankly should be. Don't JUST be your biggest critic.

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