I apologize for a vague title, but I have no clue how to adequately describe this problem, although I guess its more of a rant. The reason it's in this board, though, is that I am almost certain it has something to do with mixing and/or software ignorance.
Lately, I've been really really stressed over my orchestral work, because after three years, three fucking years of studying, practicing, and experimenting on how to get my music to sound its very best I don't feel like I've gotten anywhere. My music never seems to have that wow factor, that feeling of a good damn song. My instruments never sound vibrant enough, always seem to be muddied despite mixing out all the crap and always sound obviously synthesized, but then people like Tsyolin somehow manage this wizardry where you can't even tell if it's a real instrument or not. I know they say you shouldn't compare yourself to others like that, but it just frustrates me even more to the point of making me thing I'm just stupid for not getting it, like a joke everyone laughs at but me. Sometimes I blame it on shitty VST's, but I have East West Quantum Leap Gold, Ra, Truestrike, Requiem, Symphonic Choirs, and Project SAM Symphobia 2. I've dropped so much money to acquire those and now I feel like it was a complete waste.
It's so bad that I keep thinking of just quitting music all together. I don't want to quit music, but all its doing is pissing me off and making me very stressed. Every time I get an urge to compose, I open up FL Studio 10 and it all just comes flooding back in, the inadequacy, the frustration, and the anger. I've tried just pushing through it, but I've completed maybe two songs in two years, not even ones I'm entirely happy with. That's not a quota I like at all, and it just stresses me out even more seeing how unproductive I've been.
I know you guys have probably seen several similar threads from me in the past, but I think this will be the last one, because if I can't figure it out this time, I highly doubt I'll continue in music. I used to jump up and down at the thought of making music and now it just seems like such a chore, and it's really starting to kill me.
I'll just put a couple examples to give you an idea of what I'm dealing with. I wish I could be more specific, but that's just the thing; I'm sick with i don't know what and am in desperate need of a diagnosis, and after so many times of asking I can't ever figure out what it is I'm missing, why nothing I make ever stands out. (that or I just keep forgetting...)
https://soundcloud.com/pone-sharp/s-m-o-o-z-e/s-0qoAL
It's also 8:am as I type this and I need to sleep. More than likely I'll end up regretting this thread in the morning because I think I'm starting to sound like a broken record.