Lyric help pls!!!!

[Totalspark]

I need help with writing lyrics for my new song, Flight.

Every time I write lyrics, they end up being extremely depressing for no reason, and I would just love something happier sounding.

If anyone has any ideas, they would be much appreciated!
Here's the WIP:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/6mn7llm1nzgdp08/Flight%20WIP.mp3

Keep in mind, this is a WIP, the sound isn't fully mastered yet.

~ Spark

[Freewave]

You really need to put what you have so far for lyrics down here. Otherwise someone is effectively writing your song for you and then you should really advertize for a collab partner. ;)

[itroitnyah]

Took a listen to the WIP.

That is not happy. Just by the way you're composing, it's not giving you happy thoughts to think while writing the lyrics. Try composing something that sounds happy and not so... whatever emotion is in the composition right now. It's hard to describe, but that's not exactly "happy" composition.

[itroitnyah]

Well, it has potential, but they wouldn't be an upright happy that I'm thinking that Totalspark is trying to incorporate, it'd be a bit of a slower and mello happy. It'd also be very hard to write, haha.

[Totalspark]

@Freewave - good point I didn't even think about that.

About whether it's happy sounding or not, personally, I believe it's happier sounding than some of the songs I've written before.

Anyway, Here's what I have for the lyrics:

Time escapes.
The path least traveled is the one I take
To find redemption in the trials I've faced,
For what reason I can't explain

It's not much.

[shiek927]

Well, if you have trouble coming up with lyrics, I like "Writing Better Lyrics". Rules are meant to be broken, but you've got to learn the rules before you can break them, and I found the ideas that Pat Patterson uses to be pretty solid common-sense stuff.

[Injustrial]

This is written with the melodies at around 1:04 in mind (Vowels are emphasized cartoonishly to give a sense of the rhythm)

There's a chill in the aaair, u-pon lost summer's breeze
A wind in the maakiiing, a rustling of leaves
The path that's least traaa-velled is the one I shall take
I branch from the nooorm, I am the ripple in-the-lake

I spread my wiiiings and gliiide, towards a different seeetting suuun
I fly aboove the clooouds, I leave the name of none


That's just something I threw together quickly. It gives you something to start on, at least (Those first few lines are always the hardest, imo)
You could always tweak them to fit the rhythm better and make the mood a bit brighter. Seems a bit melancholic right now, but I think the melodies you're using do sound a bit on the blue side.

Hope it helps!

[Totalspark]

Ooo! I like this a lot! Thank you Injustrial, I should be able to continue from here!

[Totalspark]

[UPDATE!!]

Ok, so here's what I've got for the lyrics with the help of Injustrial.

[V1]
There's a chill in the air, from a lost summer's breeze,
A wind in the making, a rustling of leaves.
The path that's least traveled is the one I shall take,
I branch from the norm, I am the ripple in the lake.

[Chorus]
I spread my wings and glide, towards a different setting sun,
I fly above the clouds, leaving the name of none.
To what destination, of that I'm not aware,
As long as you are by my side, I know we'll make it there.

[V2]
Across the slowly dimming sun, our shadows they shall cast,
A reflection of our lives, and the changes of the past.
Across the surface of the sea, the image cast of our former life,
As we escape the peril together, to relieve us from our strife

[Chorus]
I spread my wings and glide, towards a different setting sun,
I fly above the clouds, leaving the name of none.
To what destination, of that I'm not aware,
As long as you are by my side, I know we'll make it there.

[Injustrial]

[UPDATE!!]

Ok, so here's what I've got for the lyrics with the help of Injustrial.

[V1]
There's a chill in the air, from a lost summer's breeze,
A wind in the making, a rustling of leaves.
The path that's least traveled is the one I shall take,
I branch from the norm, I am the ripple in the lake.

[Chorus]
I spread my wings and glide, towards a different setting sun,
I fly above the clouds, leaving the name of none.
To what destination, of that I'm not aware,
As long as you are by my side, I know we'll make it there.

[V2]
Across the slowly dimming sun, our shadows they shall cast,
A reflection of our lives, and the changes of the past.
Across the surface of the sea, the image cast of our former life,
As we escape the peril together, to relieve us from our strife

[Chorus]
I spread my wings and glide, towards a different setting sun,
I fly above the clouds, leaving the name of none.
To what destination, of that I'm not aware,
As long as you are by my side, I know we'll make it there.

Looks like you're getting some work done!

My suggestions, though: change the sentence "our shadows they shall cast" with something else. When you insert the "they" it feels very "poetry-styled" and unnatural to say. Unnatural lyrics tend to not be stuck in your head for too long. Verse 2 also seems to be a bit repetitive, simply because all lines start with the letter "A", but not the same word. Starting all lines with the same word is a nice way to hammer the point home (Especially if you break it up in the third line) but as this seems more of a dreamy sort of lyrics, I would advice against it.

If I could change it in five minutes:

Looking below, at the shadows we cast
I see the shimmer of the past
A fleeting sensation, as a chimed acclamation
I've made the right decision

FIVE minutes, so do change it up a bit. Especially since the rhythm isn't properly there and it sounds a teeeeensy bit pretentious. Nice to see you're getting some work done. Lyrics can be damn hard at times ;)

[Totalspark]

Yeah, sorry bout that, I do tend to write poetry a lot, and that seems to be my major problem with my lyrics. I'll change some stuff up and see what happens

[Injustrial]

I think writing poetry would be of great help when it comes to lyrics

[Totalspark]

Writing poetry is fine for lyric composition. Unless you're me. I tend to write really deep poetry that makes you think a lot. And this does include (most of the time me not even realizing it) random repetition of the first letter of a word across all for lines.

[archaephyrryx]

If you're still looking for help, here is my rework of the proposed lyrics. See what you think.

[V1]
A lost forgotten summer, a chill autumn breeze,
But a fire burns within me that no wind could ever freeze.
Not hemmed in by convention, the road less trod I take,
I'm a cloud high in the heavens, I'm the ripple on the lake.

[Chorus]
I spread my wings and soar, and I've never felt so free,
So high up that the world is unfurled in front of me.
I know not where I'll go, but wherever I may glide
I know that I will make it there if you are by my side.

[V2]
The final rays of many days, sent by the setting sun,
Have found us here together, are shadows are as one.
Reflections on a placid lake below a mirrored sky,
Let's leave the past behind us, let's go ahead and fly.


[Chorus]
I spread my wings and soar, and I've never felt so free,
So high up that the world is unfurled in front of me.
I know not where I'll go, but wherever I may glide
I know that I will make it there if you are by my side.

I know not where I'll go, but wherever I may glide
I know that I will make it there if you are by my side.

[Totalspark]

Hmm! I have done the lyrical version of this song yet. I like these lyrics! Thanks!

[Coloriot]

I may want to help by suggesting some happy sounding chord progressions, if you feel like using them.

Probably the most used out there is 1-5-6-4 (ex. E-B-C#min-A)

Or you could reorder it to 6-4-1-5 (ex. C#min-A-E-B)

Here's the progression that was used in Stacy's Mom: 4-1-5-6 (ex. A-E-B-C#min)

Hope that helps! If you don't know what I'm talking about, just ask, I'll try to explain it, lol.

[Coloriot]

I may want to help by suggesting some happy sounding chord progressions, if you feel like using them.

Probably the most used out there is 1-5-6-4 (ex. E-B-C#min-A)

Or you could reorder it to 6-4-1-5 (ex. C#min-A-E-B)

Here's the progression that was used in Stacy's Mom: 4-1-5-6 (ex. A-E-B-C#min)

Hope that helps! If you don't know what I'm talking about, just ask, I'll try to explain it, lol.

[Coloriot]

I may want to help by suggesting some happy sounding chord progressions, if you feel like using them.

Probably the most used out there is 1-5-6-4 (ex. E-B-C#min-A)

Or you could reorder it to 6-4-1-5 (ex. C#min-A-E-B)

Here's the progression that was used in Stacy's Mom: 4-1-5-6 (ex. A-E-B-C#min)

Hope that helps! If you don't know what I'm talking about, just ask, I'll try to explain it, lol.

[Totalspark]

I may use those chords in something else, but alas I've had the song finished for quite a few months now.

Maybe I'll just start something new, I don't think what I had would've fit the lyrics any way. Thanks man!