Okay, so I was hoping to get some actual feedback on this, I passed this by two other people, and they pretty much told me what was up about it, how it flowed, what was weird and what wasn't, and just overall how they felt about it.
What I'm hoping for now is for some criticism and some advice on this, what you guys think about, what I could possibly do, what sounds weird, or just whether you feel it's in harmony or not.
I am perfectly fine with harsh, honest answers, I know criticism and how it goes, so if you must be harsh, go right ahead, I will not be butthurt.
So if you could just tell me what you think and give me advice that would be great!
tl;dr- you give me advice and criticism and we all be happy
