by Thunder Dash » 01 Oct 2015 20:19
Whoa...watch those transitions dude. They are very awkward and really...there's no hint before the change that you are going to change to a different style. Plus, I don't think a snare would work at 0:12, the harp and strings go perfect together without the snare. I suggest adding a soft timpani roll right before that section in order to smooth out that transition. 0:22 is another place. I suggest you add low brass a few beats before the change so that way you can lead into the change. Again, the added percussion takes away from the style, especially with the sounds you have running through. I suggest you put crescendoing timpani rolls on every third beat following your progressional patterns. The last major transition, which is at 0:53-0:54, could use a ritardando or a gradual slow-down.
Your chord usage and melody variations were a bit better on this piece, but they still could use a bit of work. In the beginning of the piece, you had a nice solo flute running, but I wish it was a tad longer. Maybe add a secondary harmonizing flute that runs through a progression of
i-i-III-iv-VII-V-i
Also, the first transitional progression should go something like this
...VII-i-III-iv
You should end on the iv, since that's the next section you have. Remember, add a smooth transition to that area because as of now, it's really awkward.
In that second section, you limited yourself to the iv and the III, which is a weird combination of two chords. Perhaps you could've stuck in the "Carol of the Bells" progression, like this:
iv-III-bII-I
This progression is according to c minor still, but it starts from the iv as you can see. The "b" means flat. So if you could expand that section with the harp and strings, this is the progression I suggest you do. To transition to the section after that, I suggest you hit the inverted i, preferably second inversion, wear the chord looks like this:
G-C-Eb
From there, return to a V7 (which you'll have an F in the middle of the chord) then resolve.
Alternative, you can hang around the V, like what you did, because you can easily access an inverted version of the i chord from any inversion of the V chord.
Other than that, everything else is pretty good. Remember, you can always message me if there's anything you don't understand.