Lyric help pls!!!!

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Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby Totalspark » 14 Oct 2013 09:13

I need help with writing lyrics for my new song, Flight.

Every time I write lyrics, they end up being extremely depressing for no reason, and I would just love something happier sounding.

If anyone has any ideas, they would be much appreciated!
Here's the WIP:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/6mn7llm1nzgdp08/Flight%20WIP.mp3

Keep in mind, this is a WIP, the sound isn't fully mastered yet.

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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby Freewave » 14 Oct 2013 09:17

You really need to put what you have so far for lyrics down here. Otherwise someone is effectively writing your song for you and then you should really advertize for a collab partner. ;)
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby itroitnyah » 14 Oct 2013 14:17

Took a listen to the WIP.

That is not happy. Just by the way you're composing, it's not giving you happy thoughts to think while writing the lyrics. Try composing something that sounds happy and not so... whatever emotion is in the composition right now. It's hard to describe, but that's not exactly "happy" composition.
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby Jokeblue » 14 Oct 2013 16:14

Oooh another one of these! I'm super busy with exams at the moment, but if its not too urgent I could probably help write some. Ill see what I can do :3

Also, there's another thread similar to this in the same topic made by TheOcularInvisible. I can't link it now, but check that out, and checkout the advice that Itroitnyah posted, because its really good and could help you out with lyricing

Oh, yeah. Should probably post what you have of the lyrics, like Freewave said.

And Itroitnyah, I can see what you mean with it not sounding happy, but i reckon It does have the kind of groove and the pace to be able to pull off happy(ish) lyrics.
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby itroitnyah » 14 Oct 2013 19:24

Well, it has potential, but they wouldn't be an upright happy that I'm thinking that Totalspark is trying to incorporate, it'd be a bit of a slower and mello happy. It'd also be very hard to write, haha.
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby Totalspark » 14 Oct 2013 22:26

@Freewave - good point I didn't even think about that.

About whether it's happy sounding or not, personally, I believe it's happier sounding than some of the songs I've written before.

Anyway, Here's what I have for the lyrics:

Time escapes.
The path least traveled is the one I take
To find redemption in the trials I've faced,
For what reason I can't explain


It's not much.
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby shiek927 » 17 Oct 2013 20:02

Well, if you have trouble coming up with lyrics, I like "Writing Better Lyrics". Rules are meant to be broken, but you've got to learn the rules before you can break them, and I found the ideas that Pat Patterson uses to be pretty solid common-sense stuff.
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby Injustrial » 28 Oct 2013 15:50

This is written with the melodies at around 1:04 in mind (Vowels are emphasized cartoonishly to give a sense of the rhythm)

There's a chill in the aaair, u-pon lost summer's breeze
A wind in the maakiiing, a rustling of leaves
The path that's least traaa-velled is the one I shall take
I branch from the nooorm, I am the ripple in-the-lake

I spread my wiiiings and gliiide, towards a different seeetting suuun
I fly aboove the clooouds, I leave the name of none


That's just something I threw together quickly. It gives you something to start on, at least (Those first few lines are always the hardest, imo)
You could always tweak them to fit the rhythm better and make the mood a bit brighter. Seems a bit melancholic right now, but I think the melodies you're using do sound a bit on the blue side.

Hope it helps!
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby Totalspark » 29 Oct 2013 07:35

Ooo! I like this a lot! Thank you Injustrial, I should be able to continue from here!
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby Totalspark » 29 Oct 2013 16:03

[UPDATE!!]

Ok, so here's what I've got for the lyrics with the help of Injustrial.

[V1]
There's a chill in the air, from a lost summer's breeze,
A wind in the making, a rustling of leaves.
The path that's least traveled is the one I shall take,
I branch from the norm, I am the ripple in the lake.

[Chorus]
I spread my wings and glide, towards a different setting sun,
I fly above the clouds, leaving the name of none.
To what destination, of that I'm not aware,
As long as you are by my side, I know we'll make it there.

[V2]
Across the slowly dimming sun, our shadows they shall cast,
A reflection of our lives, and the changes of the past.
Across the surface of the sea, the image cast of our former life,
As we escape the peril together, to relieve us from our strife

[Chorus]
I spread my wings and glide, towards a different setting sun,
I fly above the clouds, leaving the name of none.
To what destination, of that I'm not aware,
As long as you are by my side, I know we'll make it there.
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby Injustrial » 29 Oct 2013 18:19

Totalspark wrote:[UPDATE!!]

Ok, so here's what I've got for the lyrics with the help of Injustrial.

[V1]
There's a chill in the air, from a lost summer's breeze,
A wind in the making, a rustling of leaves.
The path that's least traveled is the one I shall take,
I branch from the norm, I am the ripple in the lake.

[Chorus]
I spread my wings and glide, towards a different setting sun,
I fly above the clouds, leaving the name of none.
To what destination, of that I'm not aware,
As long as you are by my side, I know we'll make it there.

[V2]
Across the slowly dimming sun, our shadows they shall cast,
A reflection of our lives, and the changes of the past.
Across the surface of the sea, the image cast of our former life,
As we escape the peril together, to relieve us from our strife

[Chorus]
I spread my wings and glide, towards a different setting sun,
I fly above the clouds, leaving the name of none.
To what destination, of that I'm not aware,
As long as you are by my side, I know we'll make it there.


Looks like you're getting some work done!

My suggestions, though: change the sentence "our shadows they shall cast" with something else. When you insert the "they" it feels very "poetry-styled" and unnatural to say. Unnatural lyrics tend to not be stuck in your head for too long. Verse 2 also seems to be a bit repetitive, simply because all lines start with the letter "A", but not the same word. Starting all lines with the same word is a nice way to hammer the point home (Especially if you break it up in the third line) but as this seems more of a dreamy sort of lyrics, I would advice against it.

If I could change it in five minutes:

Looking below, at the shadows we cast
I see the shimmer of the past
A fleeting sensation, as a chimed acclamation
I've made the right decision

FIVE minutes, so do change it up a bit. Especially since the rhythm isn't properly there and it sounds a teeeeensy bit pretentious. Nice to see you're getting some work done. Lyrics can be damn hard at times ;)
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby Totalspark » 30 Oct 2013 06:44

Yeah, sorry bout that, I do tend to write poetry a lot, and that seems to be my major problem with my lyrics. I'll change some stuff up and see what happens
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby Injustrial » 30 Oct 2013 09:47

I think writing poetry would be of great help when it comes to lyrics
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby Totalspark » 30 Oct 2013 23:17

Writing poetry is fine for lyric composition. Unless you're me. I tend to write really deep poetry that makes you think a lot. And this does include (most of the time me not even realizing it) random repetition of the first letter of a word across all for lines.
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby archaephyrryx » 24 Mar 2014 05:50

If you're still looking for help, here is my rework of the proposed lyrics. See what you think.

[V1]
A lost forgotten summer, a chill autumn breeze,
But a fire burns within me that no wind could ever freeze.
Not hemmed in by convention, the road less trod I take,
I'm a cloud high in the heavens, I'm the ripple on the lake.

[Chorus]
I spread my wings and soar, and I've never felt so free,
So high up that the world is unfurled in front of me.
I know not where I'll go, but wherever I may glide
I know that I will make it there if you are by my side.

[V2]
The final rays of many days, sent by the setting sun,
Have found us here together, are shadows are as one.
Reflections on a placid lake below a mirrored sky,
Let's leave the past behind us, let's go ahead and fly.


[Chorus]
I spread my wings and soar, and I've never felt so free,
So high up that the world is unfurled in front of me.
I know not where I'll go, but wherever I may glide
I know that I will make it there if you are by my side.

I know not where I'll go, but wherever I may glide
I know that I will make it there if you are by my side.
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby Totalspark » 24 Mar 2014 06:55

Hmm! I have done the lyrical version of this song yet. I like these lyrics! Thanks!
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby Coloriot » 24 Mar 2014 08:20

I may want to help by suggesting some happy sounding chord progressions, if you feel like using them.

Probably the most used out there is 1-5-6-4 (ex. E-B-C#min-A)

Or you could reorder it to 6-4-1-5 (ex. C#min-A-E-B)

Here's the progression that was used in Stacy's Mom: 4-1-5-6 (ex. A-E-B-C#min)

Hope that helps! If you don't know what I'm talking about, just ask, I'll try to explain it, lol.
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby Coloriot » 24 Mar 2014 08:20

I may want to help by suggesting some happy sounding chord progressions, if you feel like using them.

Probably the most used out there is 1-5-6-4 (ex. E-B-C#min-A)

Or you could reorder it to 6-4-1-5 (ex. C#min-A-E-B)

Here's the progression that was used in Stacy's Mom: 4-1-5-6 (ex. A-E-B-C#min)

Hope that helps! If you don't know what I'm talking about, just ask, I'll try to explain it, lol.
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby Coloriot » 24 Mar 2014 08:20

I may want to help by suggesting some happy sounding chord progressions, if you feel like using them.

Probably the most used out there is 1-5-6-4 (ex. E-B-C#min-A)

Or you could reorder it to 6-4-1-5 (ex. C#min-A-E-B)

Here's the progression that was used in Stacy's Mom: 4-1-5-6 (ex. A-E-B-C#min)

Hope that helps! If you don't know what I'm talking about, just ask, I'll try to explain it, lol.
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Re: Lyric help pls!!!!

Postby Totalspark » 24 Mar 2014 08:57

I may use those chords in something else, but alas I've had the song finished for quite a few months now.

Maybe I'll just start something new, I don't think what I had would've fit the lyrics any way. Thanks man!
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