Lyric writing assisted requested

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Lyric writing assisted requested

Postby itroitnyah » 14 Aug 2013 12:09

I'm currently working on a song that I'm going to do vocals for, and this is my first time actually doing my own vocals for a song. I did a song with vocals once before, and that was an absolute train wreck, so I'm hoping to do better this time.

Alright, the lyrics go:

(L) I feel that I've been lost all my life
(S) No reason to strive
(L) Feeling useless every single day
(S) Why can't I be
(L) What everybody else can see in me (hold out "eeeeeee" until drop)

Chorus:
I can see into infinity, see into infinity
I can see into infinity, see into infinity
I can see into infinity, see into infinity

(L) And I've been searching until now
(S) When I realized
(L) That this is what I'm meant to be
(S) When I look into the mirror
(L) This is whaaaat I should see

Chorus 2:
I can see into infinity, see into infinity
I can see into infinity, see into infinity
I can see into infinity, see into infinity
I can see into infinity, see into infinity

(L) Now I've been following far behind
(S) Got time to make up
(L) Be the successor of what my dream can be
(S) I Was lost before, but
(S) Now I can see
(L) In a thousand years my destiny (delay bounce out with reverb)

So essentially, my thought process behind this song is that I started forming the last two lines in the third verse and thought it was catchy. I originally planned on starting the song out with those two lines, but after watching the section of the songwriting course from coursera.org on stable and unstable lines, I reconsidered. I also attempted, but stopped trying, to use family rhymes (which aren't quite, but right next to perfect rhymes in the stable/unstable rhyming line) to further help the "not quite complete" feeling.

For the first verse, I tried to portray a character who has felt as if he's lost meaning in life. The verse is an uneven number of lines long so that the verse has a sort of "c'mon, let's go" feeling to it, as a verse with an even number of lines would make the verse feel like "Alright, let's stop now". I also ended it on a short line followed by a long line (Marked with the "(L)", short lines have the "S") so that it would have more of a finished feeling, but still feel like it wants to continue (based on the numbers of lines in the verse).

The chorus is just a repetitive bit, sorta trying to imply that he's feeling "disconnected" from the real world. It's also an uneven number of lines long so that it can portray that feeling of wanting to move on at the end of the verse.

The second verse has to do with the character finally realizing his goal in life, or destiny. I once again followed my thought process behind the first verse so that it would have a feeling of "let's go" based on the number of lines, and "we're done" based on the length of the line ending the verse.

The second and final chorus will be a repeat of the first one, but have an extra line, so that it can start to hint that the song is coming to an end

The third verse is, once again continuing the "story" of the song, about the character going out to achieve his destiny. It has an even number of lines to help with a feeling of "OK, let's stop, we're done", and the short line followed by a long line to help further the finished feeling.

One of my biggest concerns about this is that the chorus won't be long enough and the whole song will be really short, which I'm trying to make it drag out a bit longer so that there will be more length to the "drop" that would lie underneath the chorus. I could try doubling up the length of the choruses (which I've done in the WIP file), but then the chorus may get repetitive and the first chorus would be an even number of lines, then. If I kept it at its current length, I would probably set it down on the first part of the drop, and that would maybe sound awkward, is what I'm thinking. If I spaced it out evenly on the drop so that the drop is the same length but the chorus is spaced apart so that it still covers the entire drop, that'd probably sound awkward, and if I set the chorus to start on the second half of the drop so that the drop ends on the chorus's end, that'd sound awkward as well.

So what do you guys think?
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Re: Lyric writing assisted requested

Postby Conchetupony » 16 Aug 2013 20:24

The lyrics are fine: the verses tell a story and are very direct in doing so, leading to a catchy chorus*. Not much sense of metric, but by the way you've described the song, I take it you've figured out how to make them sound good.

Now, your problem. The drop is the chorus here, or at least follows the same chords or something - did I understand correctly? You probably don't want to introduce the drop and the catchy chorus - two sections that could potentially be in the spotlight - at the same time. Too much would be going on; you get a cluttered mix and confuse the listener.

That crosses out extending the chorus over the drop, leaving you with drop => chorus and chorus => drop. You could:

  • Quickly "finalize" the song: by going from the story (verses) directly to the catchy phrase that summarizes your message (chorus) and then show off with the drop, or
  • Keep the listener interested: by building some suspense (?), placing the drop between the verse and the chorus.

I'd go for the latter, but I can't say much without hearing the song, and it's mostly an artistic decision. i.e. up to you.

Hope that helps. c:

*if I can say that when I've only read it, it's probably a good sign xP
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Re: Lyric writing assisted requested

Postby itroitnyah » 16 Aug 2013 22:30

Alright, thanks for the advice. I may use the vocal chorus as a lead up to the instrumental chorus, I think.
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