Public Apology

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Public Apology

Postby Circuitfry » 21 May 2014 21:49

It's been a while, MLR. I see things have really shaped up and gotten better since I've left. I'm glad the administrative team has been so dedicated to answering your feature requests. The new look is cute.

There was an incident that involved an altercation between administrators. People have gotten a side of the story and honestly it's not too far from the truth, Freewave is if anything an honest individual, so we'll leave it at that story and hopefully find a way to focus on restoring friendships and rebuilding bridges instead (although I won't be too shocked if people are still holding on to justified concerns on the matter).

What I'm getting at is that I reunited with the admins of MLR a few days ago to express my apologies to how I acted and how I treated them, and in return they have offered their own apologies and accepted mine. As far as MLR's administrators are concerned, I am a part of the family, again. I'm asking the same of the musician community. We've had disagreements and I've overreacted in manners that weren't civil. I've pushed everyone away and distanced myself from people, which is certainly not what any of you deserved, and even though distance was what I needed at the time, I still apologize because I know it had hurt some. I think it's honestly best if we didn't let just subjects of politics or arguments ruin relationships within a community. Like the show says, friendship isn't easy, and I'm willing to accept an impass and come to an understanding, that you and me might agree to disagree, but what doesn't change is our friendship.

I know this sounds like a non-apology. It's true, I don't apologize for my stance on the issues I had. I still believe I was in the right. But I am apologizing for behavior that was clearly unacceptable, especially when in a leader's position. I am not resuming administrator status for the community. Frankly, I've been neglectful of the community and it's better under Freewave, Kyoga, and Makkon's involvement, along with the moderators of the site. They're a very strong team, and even though we had disagreements, I'm still proud of how they kept up the community.

So maybe people are wondering what happened to me. How did it get to this point? A lot of it had to do with passion for preserving friendships, a lot of hurt, some betrayal, but most of it came from poisoned thinking. If I spent this whole post describing exactly what went wrong, this would be one of the longest posts on the site, for certain. It's better to just let the water flow under the bridge, so let's just continue with what I've learned.

Sometimes a person develops a dark mind from failed attempts to make friendships last, and it happened to me, and I've been fighting this toxic influence on my thinking. I had been afraid of the moment that friends would leave me since day one. When I was in school before ponies, I hoped for friends, but it didn't stick. Online was where it was at. And I miss those friends. I missed those friends so bad, I didn't want to make new ones until I was sure that my old friends would stick. The lesson I learned: You have to let them go, and let yourself go, because you deserve peace.

I have been fighting this dark mind for a while. Fights happened, arguments got too heated. But I found solace in doing good. So I spent a lot of time on tumblr learning progressive concepts like privilege and understanding sexism and etc etc. What I will tell you is that these things, as someone who has been in the "social justice" side of the community, that these are great things to learn, but be aware of the dark side of it. You all probably already know. It's nothing that feminism or any of the other concepts do to *you.* No, this was something that I did to myself.

"Callout Culture" is the name of a distorted form of thinking where you are addicted to a rush of calling people out. Sometimes you can pick a battle, but 99 times out of 100, just message them privately to have a conversation on Skype like calm people. That's what I've learned. When I became addicted to getting on the pedestal and soapboxing about issues, that's where things started to go downhill. First of all, getting on the soapbox drives attention to you. A friend once told me to never argue with an idiot, for they will use their stupidity to beat you down. That's the kind of people soapboxing brings about. It's a case-by-case thing, but 99% of the time, it's better to talk one-on-one and save the drama. I am working on this right now, and I won't ask for administrator status until I'm sure that I've unwound myself from this issue.

The second part of Callout Culture is how it can minimize your friend circle. When your friends say things that can be called out, it's obvious to you, but shredding your friends about it, especially on the podium, is a good way to turn a friendship sour. For example, I had distanced myself from StevenAD over some minor thing he said, and frankly, fuck yeah, I want him back. I am guilty of this problem on so many counts that it has rendered some friendships impossible to rebuild, which is sad, and I've very simply ruined a lot of potential futures with people I honestly cared about. I got so infected with this bad behavior pattern that I nearly ousted some of my closest friends, and at that point, I had realized something really was wrong. It took me a long time to realize that something in me was out of skew and I had to fix it. Your friends are the people who can save you, so don't ever give up on them.

A recent thing I've learned is that even if it seems that all of the drama is in front of you out in the open, it is still possible to use careful, considerate, one-on-one talking to make an issue right and make a friendship stronger instead of falling into Callout Culture and villifying one side. I did this to Cyril on a misunderstanding, and I realized I was being mean, so I apologized. I wanted it to make me feel better, but that wasn't enough. Something caused me to take the wrong action and that was the root of the problem. If you see drama, everyone wants to turn away from it, but for those of you who want to help, the best possible thing you can do is what I've learned to do today. In the case of drama/arguments, always always always put yourself in the mentality of mending friendships. Do *not* pretend that problems don't exist like nothing is wrong. Carefully and kindly face the problem by bringing it up with a friend. "I saw you posted that, do you wanna talk about it?"

So many aspects of my poisoned thinking are beginning to crack. I turned into a monster, of sorts, and I left so that I wouldn't hurt more people in the process. I'm slowly getting better, but in case you undergo the same problems I faced, here's information I would like to pass on to make everything easier for you.

Back to the subject of apologies, I'll close with a blanket apology to all that I've hurt, offended, and abandoned in my departure, negligence, and abuse. I was wrong, very wrong, and I understand if you no longer feel I deserve friendship. I just hope you understand that at this moment I care more about people understanding how much I recognize their feelings and the consequences of my actions. I did a lot of terrible things to close friends and decent people. I hope to make as much better as possible. I don't intend on being an up-and-down drama type; I am going to be adhering to that advice I listed above. Furthermore, I intend on giving my responses more time so that they come out as more properly thought-through and logical, more all-encompassing and considerate. I had always prided myself on being level-headed and self-improving. I apologize for failing you and for failing myself. I slipped into something dark and I'm on my way out. So I'm sorry, and thank you for your time.

PS: Dino says hello.
PSS: Another lesson: Always good to have a close friend to vent to, for those moments when the outrage is high, haha.
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Re: Public Apology

Postby ExoBassTix » 21 May 2014 22:56

I am really happy to read this. I already noticed the slowly rising improval and self-confidence in the occasional talks we've shared. A lot of what you say is what I try to help my friends with on a daily basis (admittedly, with varying success).

Apology more than accepted. Welcome back man.

EDIT - this already didn't feel like a completed "back to the good life post," so let me continue it till it feels about right. In my believes, you deserve as much.

To add on to your lessons with something that I've learned that you vaguely talk about yourself, let me say this: it's okay for opinions to be different. If something someone said triggered you badly, as you said, talk it out one-on-one. After what happened January 20th, the admin team stated a no-NSFW rule, which all members accepted (with only one or two people not catching on if I recall correctly). We did that both in necessity for peace, and as in respect to those who have trouble keeping composure over several NSFW topics, and/or have strong opinions about it.
It's because in general, MLR is the friendliest forum you'll ever find. Of course, there have been moments of extreme weakness, be them caused by outside toxic influences or else, but we all, on various levels of acknowledgement, apply the friendship lessons of a certain purple smart little horse to our everyday communicating with people.

I can say the following thing so damn much and it'd still feel awesome to say it.

We are a testament to the true statement of "friendship is magic."
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Re: Public Apology

Postby Callenby » 22 May 2014 01:18

I feel weird for posting, since I wasn't personally involved in these goings-on. I did witness a bit of it, however.

So, I wanted to say good on ya for being frank and admitting where you went wrong. That's more than a lot of people will do.
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Re: Public Apology

Postby S.P.P » 22 May 2014 02:10

It was great reading this; I'm glad everything has turned out the way it has. It takes a big guy to admit he was wrong, and an even bigger guy to out himself at the mercy of others - so for that, you've earned my respect.

Apology accepted dude. :3
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Re: Public Apology

Postby Jokeblue » 22 May 2014 03:59

Echoing everyone else so far, i'm glad you posted this and it's good to see how open you are about everything that's happened and how you've gotten through it. I guess you really can say that friendship is mag-*brick'd*


...ow...

Well... before I run risk of too many crappy references I'ma cut this out about now... So, welcome back, Luna!

*Brick'd!*

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Re: Public Apology

Postby eery » 22 May 2014 07:48

Circuitfry wrote:As far as MLR's administrators are concerned, I am a part of the family, again.

You're not my real dad.


Seriously though, nice of you to give an apology and all, takes a bit.
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Re: Public Apology

Postby Viricide Filly » 22 May 2014 08:06

I accept your apology, Cirbama Dude, and I'm glad you've returned to clear stuff up about it. I mean, I was being extremely unreasonable about the whole thing too, lashing out at mods such as Kyoga, which I myself do hereby apologise for. We need to put this whole mess behind us and continue on as a friendly community. k? k.
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Re: Public Apology

Postby Freewave » 22 May 2014 08:56

Well I appreciate that you pulled us all aside in skype and apologized there and I'm glad you elaborated on it further in here. I certainly understand what you mean about "call out culture" and I'm sure anyone who's been on tumblr for a while have seen that sjw's have somewhat ruined a great social website with negativity, soapboxing, venting, and knee jerk reactions. The worst thing is they've taken a lot of support that would have been freely handed to them and instead balled it into a fist. There's ways of getting your point across that don't involve destroying the alternate opinion (that often is actually very similar to yours) and we often will agree much more on issues than the tidbits we disagree on. I am sorry you got wrapped up in that culture (as many have). One of the reasons I love this community is love & tolerance and when i see people look for ways to disrupt that it frankly hurts. I haven't felt that the community works like a "community" in a long time or that we look out for each other. I've certainly fallen well short of finding the friendships in this community that i should have.

I've certainly never faulted you for your beliefs but I also have anticpated that these actions often blow up into drama, frayed relationships, and a damaged community. Many people including myself are just tired of that happening in a community we still care for and it seems to occur all the time. For my part I'm sorry if i triggered some of those reactions in yourself although I too have my own beliefs i stand by and stick to. I thought at worst we would have had a much more civil discussion on here at mlr (it is a forum where we can discuss these things, after all) or in a side skype if we disagreed on issues yet again. Alas, that just didn't happen.

I am glad you've opened up and are working on re-establishing connections and mlr should always be a place that you can come back to and try to do that. We certainly could use your presence in the Academy of Power thread for Q&A, as Balloon Party is the biggest legacy that i hope you continue to rebuild on and could use your attention. I certainly hope this apology signals the end of future issues as you don't need to fall into another pattern of drama, distancing, and apology. It would be a welcome sign of a real change to see that come to an end and a real vacation from emotional turmoil. That is ultimately up to you but i wish you the best of luck Fry. :wink:
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Re: Public Apology

Postby FritzyBeat » 22 May 2014 12:55

It really is wonderful news to see you back here on the forum Circuitfry, and even better news to hear you have the maturity to come right out and publicly apologize ^_^ It shows a lot of character to be able to come out and say something like that, so you've definitely earned my respect for that =)

I may not know you well at all, but I like to think that we are all friends and family around here regardless of circumstances, so I look forward to being able to get to know you better back here on the forum =)

Welcome back Circuit! Glad to have you!
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Re: Public Apology

Postby GunInYrFaic » 22 May 2014 18:40

You do realize it's gonna take a while to earn back respect from several people including me. :umm:

I mean...*sigh* What I'm trying to say is...that I'm not gonna even forgive you right away, but you know what they say, you got a long road ahead of you. :ugeek:
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Re: Public Apology

Postby itroitnyah » 22 May 2014 20:36

Awesome, glad to hear that you're back. Hope to see you around more often, since this forum is pretty slow at times.
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Re: Public Apology

Postby ph00tbag » 23 May 2014 00:00

This post is a wonderful reflection on all of the things that happened that night. I wasn't directly affected by anything from that time period, and I think I rather empathized with you through all the things I'd heard. With all that in mind, I think I'd already accepted your apology before you'd made it. I always assumed you were a decent person at heart.

Welcome back. I don't know whether you intend to be particularly active around here, but it's nice knowing there's still another friendly face who might come by. :)
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Re: Public Apology

Postby Mr. Bigglesworth » 23 May 2014 05:53

It's good that you're back and willing to make amends for all the shit that happened that night, but in the least dickish way possible, I'm not gonna fully replace my trust in you just like that. You totally have my respect back for apologizing and trying to fix things like this though, that's a really hard thing to do.

So. Welcome back Ciri!
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Re: Public Apology

Postby JSynth » 25 May 2014 21:51

Talking to the other person in private is the first step of solving an issue. The second step is forgiveness.
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Re: Public Apology

Postby Injustrial » 27 May 2014 19:47

I'm all about forgiveness. I welcome your apology and accept it with no hard feelings (Not that had any to begin with, as I wasn't involved)
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