The hugging/venting thread

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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby Ricky Denzel » 28 Oct 2014 12:21

I feel terrible. This whole time I thought people were just trying to control me, they were actually helping me. I feel like a douche now. I'm sorry if I was a dick to anyone on here.
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby FLAOFEI » 29 Oct 2014 04:36

Don't get yourself down about it. It was a mistake, and now you learned from it. No harm done. :)
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby Ricky Denzel » 30 Oct 2014 12:22

Thanks. It really opened my eyes.
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby S.P.P » 17 Dec 2014 01:57

I'm not usually one to openly talk about my problems but everything is getting a bit much for me right now.
I've dealt with auditory and visual hallucinations, anxiety and paranoia for about 6 years (unmedicated and without therapy) and it's starting to get on top of me. I can't deal with people so college is hell for me. I regularly have hallucinatory episodes there and of course I can't tell anyone what's going on so my friends are all drifting away from me. The one girl I feel I can talk to is getting exasperated with me bugging her so even she's drifting; made worse by the fact that I like her [i]quite considerably.[i] my family don't understand so I shut myself in my room and just ignore everything. I haven't eaten in 3-4 days, I haven't slept in 2-3 days and I haven't touched anything musical in weeks. I don't have the effort. I just sit in my room and stare at walls, occasionally breaking down into tears or having episodes. I feel like I don't have my life anymore, and that I no longer want to continue living it. I seriously considered taking my own life but stopped myself purely on the ground that it would be the height of selfishness if I did that, but to my mind there are no options. I've started therapy but I don't listen to what the doctors are saying because I hate the whole idea of it. I don't like people so how can they expect me to open up to them 100% about something so sensitive to me?

I know you guys are a bunch of relative strangers (mostly), but I think of you as friends and I just needed to get things off my chest before I explode ..
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby ExoBassTix » 17 Dec 2014 06:50

We can at least start with one thing here: you did just open up to people. Considering you say that that's a major part of difficulty that makes all that effects you worse, I'd say you should be proud of this development. Apparently you can talk with people! Always remember that if you face a difficult moment again. :)

While it might not be much (yet still it might help a great deal), try to see your therapy sessions (if they're to be called that) as distraction sessions instead. It's hard, but put your mind on zero. These guys are professionals and won't ever judge you for what you say to them.

Oh uhm, one tiny tip: say that, before writing that post, staring at the walls, you were at 0% progress. Taking therapy sessions, even though you didn't listen, gained you ... let's say 5%. And with writing this post, which you described as incredibly difficult a task, I'd say it gained you about 10% more. Might not seem like much, but if you look at the complete picture of your last few weeks, look at how you used to stay at 0% quite some time, and suddenly you're at 15% already. That's huge progress! Nice!

Take everything at your own rate, and think back to this achievement when you feel like your challenges are getting to you. If it helps you, next time you talk with your therapist, focus on how you allowed yourself to get to that 15% and how you feel about it ;)
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby Facade » 24 Dec 2014 09:10

a part of me just wants to smash things but that doesnt change anything sure it might make me feel better for a few seconds but whats the point... ill miss you please come back
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby Facade » 24 Dec 2014 18:12

She didnt come home... rest in piece ill miss you
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby Freewave » 26 Dec 2014 11:53

Pyre definitely keep talking to a professional. Some things you can get over on your own and hallucinations are not one of them. There might not BE an easy fix for what you have but you need all the ammo you can to defend your consciousness and your sanity. Hang in there and take heart in small accomplishments in slowly getting better.

Facade this is a forum not a journal. If you want to talk to us and get advice don't be so cryptic please. We can't help if you don't open up.
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby ExoBassTix » 26 Dec 2014 18:44

It's hard for us to help if you're cryptic Facade, however much being cryptic might feel better. Allow yourself to be open to us. We won't judge you.

Take it at your own pace man :)
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby ExoBassTix » 28 Dec 2014 05:44

This is more a sigh and grunt vent than anything else, but still...
Recently, all social interactions (excluding fora and SMS/WhatsApp/Facebook-messages for some reason) feel horribly forced to me: talking with people in-real-life, going on Skype at all, you name it. I also realize that -at least- most of the cases it's because I'm actively thinking about it, probably overthinking. It's near impossible to snap out of it, but I did once get over it when I had a conversation with my uncle (who's a producer himself who taught me very much, and talking with him is the worst because I fear it I don't know why maybe I fear alienating him, even over SMS). The first few minutes were awkward hell but eventually I seemed to have forgotten and it was natural. When I realized that and got proud of myself, I actually started overthinking again and it got awkward for me and the conversation faltered. My parents probably think I see home as some hotel as I barely talk with them on my own initiative, and just in that time when they actually went and requested social presence in the family of me in these times. It makes me real touchy especially when they tell me not to go upstairs to my room for the rest of the day to stay close to the family, because really, they keep on saying it's not an upset reaction but their looks (especially my mum's) burn through my soul and it hurts like nothing else. Everything's kind-of wearing down on me. I haven't opened Skype in probably a week because I ... fear it I think. For a year now I've gotten more and more into a setting of "letting things happen the way they happen" and especially in this time it's making things bad around me. I actually spend most of my time either doing stupid brainless puzzles while listening to music (in it's most basic form, a distraction so I don't have to think of anything else), or when I'm not distracted or can't get myself to distract myself, staring at nothing while pondering what to do. Thank god my parents haven't been asking about that yet.

I really don't know what to do with it. Let alone know what questions to ask myself or others. I'm happy I got it written down in one post already, as the only way I've shared it at all was in sporadic spread out text messages with friends, or photos with few words attached on Facebook, with a cryptic but painful message still.
I guess I'll never stop being creative.
(For example, my profile picture, which I've put up everywhere (here, on Facebook, on my iPhone wallpaper, soon on my already-purchased iPhone case even), is to me a hidden explanation of my state of being this time around, being so withdrawn and unsure of everything to the point that it's freezing and drowning me at the same time. I can't stress enough how I hate how beautiful the picture is. (For another clarification (jeez), that sentence was another product of cryptic venting I guess.))

EDIT - I felt like clarifying, both for myself and for the record, that, while the social issues are the most awful and pressing at the moment, more than just social interactions feel overly forced to me this time around. To keep it short as to not burn out my thoughts (and trust me, I've done that a lot this time around and it HURTS), basically everything feels forced.
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby Freewave » 28 Dec 2014 14:49

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I find when you TRY to talk to people on skype and no one responds, and then you start beating yourself up or feeling self-conscious, then it becomes a vicious cycle of apathy. Plus feeling like you are clumsy and out of step. I don't have an answer but all i can say is there's nothing healthy with being in a sea of acquaintances and feeling like you don't have a friend who'd miss you. It's sad :sad:

I just worry the death knell of this community will be people all feeling the same way (alone) who aren't willing to reach out to another to change any of that. For a community built on friendship is magic it often hard to feel that's a lesson learned.
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby ExoBassTix » 28 Dec 2014 16:17

Not exactly sure if that was intended as a reply to what I said or not, but if it was, I'm not sure if you understood right what I meant. I'm (if I use your words) beating myself up and feeling self-conscious because I don't try to talk with people. I've talked about with my best friend, and well, I came to at least one summary of the situation: I'm continuously distracting myself as a conscious defense mechanism against a subconscious defense mechanism against social contact.
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby Injustrial » 28 Dec 2014 21:36

Welp, Christmas kinda sucked for me. I've been estranged from my family after a heated argument and I'm not really sure what I've even done wrong. But they seem to be really pissed at me for "not asking questions about people's lives" (?)

Not really sure how to respond to all this. I'll probably try to mend things when the new year comes, even if it means I've gotta be the first one to pick up the phone, which I really dislike. Anyone been in a similar situation before and have any experiences they'd like to share?
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby Freewave » 29 Dec 2014 11:10

ExoBassTix wrote:Not exactly sure if that was intended as a reply to what I said or not, but if it was, I'm not sure if you understood right what I meant. I'm (if I use your words) beating myself up and feeling self-conscious because I don't try to talk with people. I've talked about with my best friend, and well, I came to at least one summary of the situation: I'm continuously distracting myself as a conscious defense mechanism against a subconscious defense mechanism against social contact.


Well i find it pretty easy not to reach out to people (even you're feeling out of touch and alone) and then i wonder why i don't have those solid relationships. It's often because its one vicious cycle when you do that (you don't build them, you don't feel capable of making them). Even when you try you might not get the response you hope for which adds to the lack of confidence too. Often it just seems like the brony scene if full of people who suck at interaction skills and that's kinda sad cause i think we desperately want to better at it. In many ways it can be a group failure.
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby ExoBassTix » 29 Dec 2014 13:43

Injustrial wrote:Welp, Christmas kinda sucked for me. I've been estranged from my family after a heated argument and I'm not really sure what I've even done wrong. But they seem to be really pissed at me for "not asking questions about people's lives" (?)

Not really sure how to respond to all this. I'll probably try to mend things when the new year comes, even if it means I've gotta be the first one to pick up the phone, which I really dislike. Anyone been in a similar situation before and have any experiences they'd like to share?

While I'm sorry that I don't have any advice to give you, I can tell you what they mean with "not asking questions about people's lives." Basically, they think you're not spending enough time with the family, perhaps always busy with something on your own, physically separated from the family with a wall inbetween, you know?
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby Injustrial » 30 Dec 2014 05:01

That would make sense, except I'm not. I have visited and spoken to them on several occasions. I dunno, I might just have Asperger's and not understanding social conduct, but it all seems very unintuitive to me
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby ExoBassTix » 30 Dec 2014 07:37

Well I don't understand social conduct the usual way and I don't have autism. Not stopping me when I do participate in social interaction :P

Maybe ask your parents what they mean.
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby Acsii » 25 Feb 2015 05:19

that moment when you want to be with someone you can probably never be with and you had the chance to be with years ago but were too naive to realise so never went for it
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby Facade » 25 Feb 2015 07:29

Acsii wrote:that moment when you want to be with someone you can probably never be with and you had the chance to be with years ago but were too naive to realise so never went for it

oh god i know that feeling... what a terrible fate...
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby FLAOFEI » 26 Apr 2015 07:44

I could write about how alcohol is posibly on its way to destroying my life, but I'm pretty sure my moms just being overly dramatic about it :/ So that's a source of stress...

Yup. Instead I'm gonna rant about programing, which is booring as FUCK!!! I didn't chose computer engineering, I chose elecrtical engineering! I know it's usefull, but I still don't care about it. Programing is basically writing an extremley structured to-do list for a computer... And that structure is super complicated to learn! And now they want me to use a language I hardly know to write a program I hardly understand what it's suposed to do! We learnt the programing lenguage half a year ago, and I haven't used it since... So I'm pretty much useless at it at thiss point :/

I would like to learn programing... But right now... I hate it's guts, cause I can't handle this shit!

And back to studdying... Do I even have to tell you how much I want to slam my head into the keyboard until my computer shortcircuits from my leaking brainsubstance?
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby Acsii » 26 Apr 2015 08:33

FLAOFEI wrote:I could write about how alcohol is posibly on its way to destroying my life, but I'm pretty sure my moms just being overly dramatic about it :/ So that's a source of stress...

Yup. Instead I'm gonna rant about programing, which is booring as FUCK!!! I didn't chose computer engineering, I chose elecrtical engineering! I know it's usefull, but I still don't care about it. Programing is basically writing an extremley structured to-do list for a computer... And that structure is super complicated to learn! And now they want me to use a language I hardly know to write a program I hardly understand what it's suposed to do! We learnt the programing lenguage half a year ago, and I haven't used it since... So I'm pretty much useless at it at thiss point :/

I would like to learn programing... But right now... I hate it's guts, cause I can't handle this shit!

And back to studdying... Do I even have to tell you how much I want to slam my head into the keyboard until my computer shortcircuits from my leaking brainsubstance?

What language yo, because I might be able to help you if its one I know.
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby FLAOFEI » 26 Apr 2015 08:54

I'm using python3. I know it pretty well, and I have a bunch of friends here who are pretty good at it to. The problem now is how the assignments are set up. They give me a bunch of code, and ask me to complete it.
It's this cource http://www.nand2tetris.org/
The first half was awesome! We simulated the actual chips and stuff, and everything made sence. Now we are on the software side of things, and that's where I get confused. I don't realy like all the levels of abstraction. I know it helps a lot when you scale things up to the ginormous scale, but I don't like that scale.

Thanx for the offer, but that's not what I actually need. What I realy need is to put down enough time to actually learn the shit I need to learn, which I haven't done now, cause programing is boring... That combined with a bunch of other stress, and that I'm missing out on an awesome party right now isn't helping.

I don't like stress. It's too stressfull.
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby Ricky Denzel » 28 Apr 2015 08:25

This is a recent blog post I made.
http://slateturner.weebly.com/home/my-big-problem

This always happen to me. It's like I'm not allowed to vent. People get so fucking upset because I say this and I say that. People need to ease the fuck up. It's called an "opinion" for a motherfucking reason. Can I have the one thing that keeps me from fucking murdering people? Can I have that? No! Yet, I have to say what people want. If you don't like what I got to say, then fuck you. I'm done...
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby Freewave » 29 Apr 2015 16:37

Ricky Denzel wrote:This is a recent blog post I made.
http://slateturner.weebly.com/home/my-big-problem

This always happen to me. It's like I'm not allowed to vent. People get so fucking upset because I say this and I say that. People need to ease the fuck up. It's called an "opinion" for a motherfucking reason. Can I have the one thing that keeps me from fucking murdering people? Can I have that? No! Yet, I have to say what people want. If you don't like what I got to say, then fuck you. I'm done...


Honestly Ricky, I think the biggest problem is that you have some serious anger issues and you carry them with you pretty continually. We all have opinions but most of us don't continually cuss or are that abrasive for no real reason. I have no idea what that all stems from and I doubt anyone else does either.....You seem to want a pass for how you act rather than look to WHY you rage so much or look for help for it. We're not the problem here, your anger is tho. That's YOUR big problem....
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Re: The hugging/venting thread

Postby Ricky Denzel » 30 Apr 2015 08:24

I don't have an anger problem, I have a people problem
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