The hugging/venting thread

[Conduit]

Do any of you ever just get hit by waves of loneliness? I know I have friends and family that care about me, but sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough.

[ExoBassTix]

Yea I get it too. I dunno though. I usually let it slide off my shoulders and it just works. Dunno if that works for everyone.

[Conduit]

Yea I get it too. I dunno though. I usually let it slide off my shoulders and it just works. Dunno if that works for everyone.

That's what I normally do, and I'm fine now, just hit me particularly hard last night.

[ArisingFlame]

Hits me all the time. I just kinda wallow in it and make sad musics

[Nine Volt]

I need to get this off my chest...

I'm so fucking frustrated right now, and I have been for the past week or so, but today just put me over the fucking edge. Every night for the past week I've been feeling like shit because I can't do anything right (musically and socially mostly, but in other areas too). I would just sit in my bedroom, near tears, because I'm so fucking sick of this shit. Then I feel like a bitch for being close to crying, and it just fucking gets worse. In the day I'm just fine, but I get home from stage crew at 4:30-5:00 and just sulk for the rest of the night because of how fucking frustrated I am. It's not that I'm angry or, really, sad, but kind of... empty, almost. Inadequate.

But the reason why I was set over the edge today was because while at a friend's house with about 7 other people, I was informed by my mother that she'd "made plans" and could no longer give me a ride to the party I'd been planning to go to for some time now. This was an important party because it was the party of a girl I have a serious crush on, and my mom had promised she'd be able to take me there a week prior (I don't have a car, license, or permit of my own, mind you). I was told she couldn't drive me there literally a half an hour before the fucking party was starting (6:30, it started at 7). So naturally I asked my friends if any of them could spare 15 minutes to drive me over to Rutland (nearby town) to this party. Why couldn't I walk, you ask? Well, because it would take me 2 hours and 45 fucking minutes.

Anyway, my friends apparently couldn't spare 30 minutes to bring me over to the party. No, they were too busy playing fucking Battlefield 4 and GTA V (that's exactly what they fucking said, though I added the names of the games to clarify). What the fuck is their fucking problem? I would be perfectly fucking willing to drive my friend somewhere that close, but apparently my "friends" have some fucked up priorities if video games take precedence over their fucking close friends. That's not what set me over the edge though.

What set me over the fucking edge was what one of my "friends" did. I asked them (the group) if any of them had the number of my friend Travis (all my contacts were erased when I got my new phone two days ago), who would have the number of someone who could give me a ride, because even though he wasn't going we shared some good friends who were going and would be able to pick me up. So, this fucker (we'll call him Drew) says he does have the number. Great, right? I ask him to give me the number and he does, so I text the number with something like "Travis? It's jake". All of a sudden, I hear from across the room "Travis? Who's Travis?". I look over and one of the mutual friends is holding her phone up. Drew laughs and says he doesn't really have the number.

I don't know why that pissed me off so much, but it did. I'm normally a very calm person (believe it or not), but this was literally one of the angriest fucking moments of my entire life, and the closest I've ever come to just losing control and beating the fucking shit out of someone, something I'm scared of because if that happened someone (either me or them) would get seriously hurt. Maybe because I wasn't having the best day to begin with, but I got up and was seconds away from breaking his fucking jaw before I really thought about what I was fucking doing. I took a brief walk outside to calm myself down a bit, but even now (hours later) I'm still incredibly fucking pissed about it. And I never was able to get to the party. So now I'm pissed at both my mom and several of my friends ("It was just a joke, calm down man!" Yeah, real fucking funny), which is just fucking fantastic and will surely turn out well, not to mention having to explain to like six people (including my crush) why I couldn't get to the party. Fucking great.

But on a larger scale, I guess I'm just feeling... inadequate. And socially insecure. I mean, I'm an outgoing person and I make friends and start conversations easily (one of the few things I can really be proud of), but I'm incredibly fucking insecure about my appearance. Not my hair (well, not always) or my clothes, but my face. I'm not ugly, but I'm not above average, but it's the fucking acne that fucking ruins it. It's certainly not the worst ever, but it is the most consistent depressing element of my entire life, and I'm seriously considering trying to get a prescription for Accutane (or a generic version) just to get rid of this shit. It's why I haven't had a serious girlfriend - not because I've been denied but because I get myself thinking she's going to see the acne and just deny me right on the spot. "Oh but 9v you should just wash your face daily and don't touch it!" Well, mr strawman I've got some news for you: that's exactly what I fucking do. It doesn't work.

And finally on top of this whole angst-filled shitfest I've got so many feelings of inadequacy about my music, but nobody cares about that of course.

[Conduit]

@Ninevolt

Man I'm sorry to hear your week was s fucked. I know the feeling of inadequacy, and it's the worst thing. It quietly knocks you down, you can kinda ignore it for the most part but then out of the blue it'll punch you in the gut and it sucks. Your friends were being dicks, but try to see that they probably didn't realize how much it meant to you. In my friend group I've realized that everyone is a dick sometimes, but it doesn't mean that they're horrible friends. It's fine, and understandable to be mad, but try to forgive them. Acne is horrible, but one of the most important turning points in my life is when I decided to ignore it, accepting and feeling confident about my body really helped with my self-esteem. To you it probably seems like an impossible thing to ignore, but take the medicine if you feel like you need it, and just try to work through it. Confidence shows.

Anyway, I feel you, and it really sucks that you're going through that. If you need to vent add me on skype, I really don't mind. You'll get through this.

[topitmunkeydog]

Hi what I do for the face pustules is I got some bilibiovxoixlilic acid soap or whatever it's called and also my mom made me go to the dermatologist and she prescribed like this weird face lotion that kind of dries out my skin which isn't that great because my skin is already dryer than a tortoise's, but it does help get rid of the acme. I also do experiment with like organic remedies and the honey scrub seems to work pretty good ad even if it doesn't get rid of acne it makes your skin a lot better anyway. do you typically have dry skin or oily skin? that would help you decide what to go with. the worst thing you can do is put too much of the medication because that will just make stuff worse. Try and alternate with like a medicinal soap and a more gentle face wash.

also I know how you feel about the friends situation. now my friends are lovely but back a few years all my "friends" were manipulative jerks and I really didn't feel like they were dependable so yeah you aren't alone in that and we're all here to be your friends :)

[Ocular]

I can't handle this shit anymore. Nothing I do is right. I'm a disappointment. I'm filthy. I'm your least favorite child. I know I'm not the perfect Christian son you always wanted. I'm sorry I was so selfish to pick music as a career rather than becoming a doctor or lawyer that would benefit you. I'm sorry that even when I try my hardest and more, I can't make straight As in a college prep school. I'm sorry that I was born. I get it Dad, you don't like me. Now can you stop trying to make me hate myself even more so I can live the last of my life in peace

[Injustrial]

I can't handle this shit anymore...

That's the most terrible thing I've heard all week. I recognize quite a bit of your problems here, I didn't exactly have a perfect relationship with my father growing up either. I can tell you this much, though: Keep going. Do the things that make YOU happy. Your father will see the growth in you soon. And if not, cut him out. When you're an adult, you get to choose who you want to associate yourself with. If he's not willing to respect your choices in life, then he's not worthy of your love.

I promise, it gets better

[Ed Viper]

I can't handle this shit anymore...

That's the most terrible thing I've heard all week. I recognize quite a bit of your problems here, I didn't exactly have a perfect relationship with my father growing up either. I can tell you this much, though: Keep going. Do the things that make YOU happy. Your father will see the growth in you soon. And if not, cut him out. When you're an adult, you get to choose who you want to associate yourself with. If he's not willing to respect your choices in life, then he's not worthy of your love.

I promise, it gets better

I can also vouch for this. I recently moved out of my parents' house and being away from my dad has helped with my self-esteem tremendously.

Just hang in there, mate. I'll cheer you on from the sidelines.

In other news, I had a really rough day today. Things were going great this morning. My morning class was cancelled, giving me the day off, and I had an awesome dota 2 match. I was feeling pretty badass about ten hours ago. Then, somewhere along the way something happened and now I feel incredibly horrible. Just worthless. Wah.

[Injustrial]

Normally, I hate these sort of inspirational posters, but this one actually resonated with me. Thank you, Callenby!

[Mr. Bigglesworth]

I'm really sorry to hear that Occular. My dad problems pail in comparison to what you must be going through, but my dad had some pretty silly expections of me (wanted me to go into a trade, STILL says I should join the navy even though I openly dislike the military). I cannot stress this enough. STAND YOUR GROUND. Or he'll never learn to treat you like an individual. It's gonna be shit, no getting around that but you're not the one at fault and he needs to learn that.

[Injustrial]

STAND YOUR GROUND

I'm sorry, I had to: https://soundcloud.com/injustrial/stand-your-ground

I'll see myself out

[Mr. Bigglesworth]

I'm scared of losing my friends.
There, I said it.

With grad coming up so soon I'm afraid that me and my real life friends will drift apart. I know it's kind of a part of life, but I only started making legitimate friends 2 years ago. You know when I was in grade 5 I dreamed of having close friends? No one liked me. For years. I was always that weird bony kid that never got picked for anything, always got mocked and as a result I was estranged from people in general for most of my life.

and faced with the possibility of losing what friends I have now scares me.

A lot.

[Facade]

and faced with the possibility of losing what friends I have now scares me.

A lot.

oh god you made me feel a feel i cannot un-feel ;_;

im... i ...

*hugs you*

[Injustrial]

and faced with the possibility of losing what friends I have now scares me.

I've been there. Yes, some of us lost contact with each other, everybody sort of moved around and it became harder and harder to keep in touch. We didn't have facebook then, and I didn't own a computer. (I'm really not that old)
But don't worry! The time you've spent with these friends have changed you into another person than you were before. You'll meet new people and they'll be even more awesome, since you are more awesome. You'll never be alone unless you want to.

Let me explain where I'm coming from: I'm an asian man who grew up in a rural, highly racist and intolerant part of the country. Every single day of school was hell, but after 10 years, I was finally ready for High School. I got some very close friends (some of which I'm still keeping in contact with on a regular basis) and even got my first girlfriend. When we broke up, I thought my world was ending. But it changed me. Made me a different man, made me wiser and stronger. When I met my next big love, it was even better than last time, since I had grown so much without even realizing it. New friends, who I'm even more happy to know, since we're all more mature people.

I have said this before, but it's always true when thinking about the past, present and worrying about the future: It gets better. It always does.

Trust a man who has hit rock bottom. I won't go into specifics, but I've been seriously low at times. I now feel I'm soaring higher than ever. I've got a job I love, an apartment to live in, I'm making music, eating well every day and I'm even engaged! If you had asked me if I thought I'd have any of these things a few years ago, I would have beat you up for mocking a broken husk of a human being. But I have, and so will you. It's just how life works out. Keep your head up, your courage in your pocket and find a way to be happy!

Your friends will keep in touch, especially if you're as close as you say you are. Social media and affordable travel has made it easier than ever before to keep contacts and it's always easy to just pick up the phone. There is nothing to worry about! (Except for Ragnarok, but that happens to everyone)

[ExoBassTix]

I can't believe it's actually gotten as far as having to post here...
Sigh.

Okay. Whatever. My ashamed and self-torturing story.

As you all by now, I attend the CCL, which supports youth with a high development-potential (gifted) that have faced problems in their functioning in our society. People like me.
Best place ever. No sweat.
But I go there because I got a learning problem. And so far, it's only gotten worse.

I have only four school-subjects at the moment: Maths (because it used to be my worst subject), Chemistry (because I had low grades for it), French (because I gotta pass either with French or German, and I'm worse at German), and Gymnastics (purely for the social element and staying fit). 2 periods on monday, CCL on tuesday (currently), 4 periods (with one free period) on wednesday, 1 period on thursday, and davinci day on friday (special thing for davinci classes at our school) for 7 periods.

You'd think that I now have all the time in the world to make homework and study for tests. Well, I do. But I'm doing even less homework than last year. Like, zero. And that while I had just made a plan with my mentor at the CCL to get my disciplene-level up (by having me do half an hour of homework every day and informing her after a week - currently I got three "NO"s on my form that she gave me).

This, of course, has spurred many conversations with many people that mainly rotated around the question: why?
Yesterday night when I was going to bed, I had one of these conversations with my mom, deliciously slow and torturous. When she asked me that question again, I broke.

I screamedat her that I couldn't take it anymore. I don't want to have to feel like this every goddamn time someone asks me that question. Making me tear up a little more.

I just don't know.

Even a few minutes ago, my Japanese teacher and school mentor asked me why. Luckily they understand the situation and reassured me it's gonna be fine. I just gotta stop thinking anything about how I am. Not tag any feelings and emotions to it. That I gotta focus on finding out why I got this problem.



My head hurts...

[ClaviSound]

You'd think that I now have all the time in the world to make homework and study for tests. Well, I do. But I'm doing even less homework than last year. Like, zero.

The key isn't to concentrate on doing it, it's to concentrate on NOT doing anything else.

I've found I'm much more productive focusing on the absence rather than the activity itself. If there's nothing else for me to do, then I do what's left. If I'm doing something that I don't feel like doing, and there's an easy opportunity to go do something else? Sooner or later I'm going to crack and go do that.

You have to shut out everything else. Lock yourself out of your room and give someone else the key. Find a place far away from distractions. That means avoiding the Internet, your computer, and anyplace familiar to you in general if you can help it. If you can't make completing the work easier, you have to make not completing the work harder.

I can't claim to know your situation, I'm not you. But all the same, it helps productivity if there's nothing else worth doing. If you're trapped in a room with nothing but a textbook, you're probably going to read it, even if it is a textbook, because you don't have the option of a ping-pong table.

[ExoBassTix]

;~;
I've tried that too many times. It doesn't help me a bit.

Like, when I get home, unlike what my mom thinks, I don't just grab my organizer and decide not to do my homework. Instead, it doesn't even come to me to look in my organizer at all. When I get home, I don't think about honework once.

And even if I did ...

[Captain Ironhelm]

;~;
I've tried that too many times. It doesn't help me a bit.

Like, when I get home, unlike what my mom thinks, I don't just grab my organizer and decide not to do my homework. Instead, it doesn't even come to me to look in my organizer at all. When I get home, I don't think about honework once.

And even if I did ...

you have to learn self discipline. Do high-priority tasks first, even if you don't like them. Don't do anything else until homework is finished, otherwise you may find yourself doing this other thing for two minutes, then that for five, and then this is only three minutes, and before you know it, the day is completely gone and nothing got done. If you forget to do it, write it on the back of your hands, put sticky notes in conspicuous places, set alarms for reminders, because it's crazy important and you can't afford not to do it. Take 10-20 minute break every hour, and don't take it on the computer. It'll help you study better and longer. Once work is all done, you can reward yourself and guiltlessly enjoy your free time doing what you love best.

or you can check facebook or whatever as soon as you get home and get hopelessly lost in the time-wasting loop.

[ArisingFlame]

Man, this is bullshit. I just spent two days in jail for traffic warrants that I have already served time for. Fuck the police in this area. Ugg

[Acsii]

Man, this is bullshit. I just spent two days in jail for traffic warrants that I have already served time for. Fuck the police in this area. Ugg

Maybe you should be a better driver or something iunno

[ArisingFlame]

lol. It was three years ago. Bah

[Conduit]

Got a ticket yesterday for rolling through a stop sign that's going to take me two months to pay off. :(

[Facade]

that sucks i dont even have a car :C

anyways...

i feel so bottled up like i cant do anything right... no matter how hard i try or what i do i feel rejected and not appreciated at all