Why did I write this?

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Why did I write this?

Postby Mr. Bigglesworth » 25 Mar 2013 10:02

It's a dumbass story meant to be pure nonsense starring an extremely overstylised-to-the-point-of-not-being-anything-like-me version of me. Still unfinished.

-------


It was a standard weather report story opening when Jimmy The Whiney Velociraptor received a call in his badass prehistoric office. 

He answered. "Hello?" 

"Jimmy! QUICK! I need a manager! One with GLORIOUS kawaii and whinges a lot!" Called the sexy voice of the Lord/Moonman/Electrobard/Flamboyantly-awesome-writer known as Sire Mr. Sir Signor Bigglesworth the 39th.

"Doooohtyoppperrrrr!" The talking dinosaur whined politely. 

"Shut up lizard-face! Saddle up and meet me on the moon!" The Electrobard from space began "And bring your annoying corn holder friend too."  

"You mean Jane? Do I have tooooo?! She's soooo annoying Asdfhiaofklfsl." Jimmy whinged like a saint from Texas. 

"Jimmy. Saddle up. Or I drop a drum kit from space and hope like FUCK that it hits you! And I have a lot of drum kits here in space." Lord Biggles threatened good-naturedly. 

Dejected at the fact that at some point he would likely be hit with a drum kit in a hilarious cacophony of drum solos being played upon faces, he conceded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3 Hours later, and with no explanation like all great literature, a raptor riding an over-confident Triceratops rocket'd LIKE A SEX through the wall of a moonbase, and destroyed several drum kits. 

"I TOLD you I could do it!" The Triceratops bragged in nothing but sheer tempered humility, brought on by years of training with Tibetan monks in the mountains who taught her the meaning of happiness through constant meditation and training on a trip of self discov- fuck it she's a talking Triceratops with an attitude problem.

"You just broke through an air-tight moonbase, Jane!" The Saddle-clad Velociraptor pointed out civilly. 

"Fuck right saddle boy." Jane asdf'd because he author cannot think of a word right now (rate and comment and subscribe and love me and massage my feet and like my status and chew on my fingers and I might read your suggestions!!!!!!!!!!!! Exclamation marks). 

"Myaha! There you are! You silly talking dinosaurs!" Said the almighty Biggles as he descended gracefully by beautifully falling from his balcony and landing on his face. 

"Yes. Now can you pleeeeeeease tell us why we are here?!" The talking raptor whinged. "And further more. How are we even brea-" he was cut short by the Electrobard on the moon shoving a kick/snare pattern in his smelly mouth. 

"It's coolios Jimmy. I filled space with air." He explained. "it put all the scuba tank companies in the world out of business. But I did it." 

"Bitch." Jimmy started "Space is infinite, how the hell did you fi-" only to be cut off once more by Biggles kindly placing a teacup in his trachea. 

He then proceeded to climb on Jimmy's saddle. 

"Saddles :D" he said, and decided it was time to ROCKET so he kicked Jimmy and they ROCKETED...and Sarah came too. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"And that's how I killed Africa-bot with a midi file!" Space-Biggles said, ending his marvelous, enchantingly sexy story of how he came to defeat a mighty conglomerate robot made of Afri-shit I'm meant to be writing the rest of the story. BACK TO IT CHAPS. 

"Anyway, the trio were headed towards the Manager factory. Where all your fears and horrors come true. They knew they were in for a long fight, so they stocked up on supplies. Like drum kits." Biggles said. 

"...who're you talking to?" Sarah said, because the writer forgot she existed till just now. 

"narati-wait...that's not my job.." He answered

Damn right, Biggles. 

"Sorry, Narrator :c" he replied

It's cool. Keep doing shit so I can talk about it. 

The Electro-lord-bard-moon then farted. 

"We should probably go kill that place and steal shit." Everyone involved in this story said. 

"But science father, I am a derp!"  Jimmy said because the writer doesn't like writing for Sarah. 

"It is even more cool than before Jimmy for I have a science cannon made of science and it makes it impossible to speak with commas or full stops and I should stop talking now before whoever is reading this runs out of breath" Lord Biggles said as he danced LIKE AN ITALY. 

SCENE CHANGE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SQUIGGLIES~~~~~~~~~~~~

At the gates of the Manager Factory (where not a single soul gets through) wudntoster plz *ahem* the trio were faced with an unspeakable army of evil. A beast that should never be named in the presence of anyone with ears,  the Musicians signed to Sony Records. 

It was then that Biggles realized that he must unleash the power of his pretty pretty man voice. 

"AAAAAAAAAAARATARATATAAOOOLLOOOLPPPPPPPOPLAALXKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaahauajAAAAESSSSSSSASSBUTTS" He sang gracefully, but it was to no effect. The autotune that the Sonybutts so relied upon had made them completely tone deaf. 

Jimmy and Sarah were ALSO THERE AS WELL. 

Just then, the author ran out of ideas, so he shall now rush the crap outta this because he's stuck with a bad action movie. 

As lord Bigglesmoonbardface stood there, the Sonybutts pulled out ALL OF THE GUNS and started shooting. Biggles would have none of this so he pulled out EVEN MORE GUNS and started waving them around until they spewed pellets of solid Kawaii Desu. 

As the bullets embedded themselves into the Sonbats whilst screaming "Uguu Desu!" Biggles ran gracefully on his hands, dragging his face in the floor through the crowds of Sonybutts....Jimmy and Sarah are still there also. 

He arrived at the office, where he came face to face with the Xfactor judge panel. They were geared for a long, judgmental fight. So Biggles walked through their desk whist screaming "Новее Кир уело ты ну ротор эх тек ар цуг" which probably means something in Russian...shit I dunno, put it through google translate. 

Cylon Cowbell proceeds to cry.
I'm not here anymore, but if you want you can still just call me Mr. BigBagelBoggle!

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Re: Why did I write this?

Postby cplbradley » 25 Mar 2013 10:13

you wrote because you're fuckin retarded?
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Re: Why did I write this?

Postby itroitnyah » 25 Mar 2013 12:10

My favorite part is when biggles said "saddles colon capital 'd'"
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