My Balloon Party teaser (In a lyrical form)

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My Balloon Party teaser (In a lyrical form)

Postby Pickslide1992 » 16 Feb 2012 08:39

Since everyone's posting their Balloon Party teasers, this is mine, but in a lyrical form. I appreciate any and all help/compliments/criticisms/death threats/trash directed at me and these lyrics. The song's supposed to be about the other side of a certain yellow pegasus we all know and love, Fluttershy. They're a work in progress and ever evolving and I need a second opinion. Here they are so far.


Weak and Helpless (Yeah Right)

Beneath that still, passive façade
Lies the heart of a slayer
The fires burning inside
You better say your prayers
I’m afraid to admit, but I must confess
That yellow Pegasus is far from being
Weak and helpless! (That’s what you’ll be)

She drove a dragon to tears
Before he left his home
Stared down a cockatrice
While he turned her to stone
Driven to rage, she exclaims this request
“You’re going to love me!” she made us
Weak and helpess!

Like I said, tell me anything that needs to be improved/is okay/taken out before this puppy dies a horrible, painful death. Keep in mind this song is supposed to be a style parody of Megadeth/early Metallica (Kill Em All/Ride the Lightning), so any tips on getting closer to that style would be of great help. I don't want this song to be, well, weak and helpless. xD Thanks again!
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Re: My Balloon Party teaser (In a lyrical form)

Postby CGEyeGuy » 16 Feb 2012 08:53

I am not good with vocals, but I will try to give advice still.
Looks like you got verse 1 and 2, now you need a bridge and hook. Can't tell how it will sound at the moment, good luck!
When you make the hook try to make it short and easy to remember.
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Re: My Balloon Party teaser (In a lyrical form)

Postby Pickslide1992 » 16 Feb 2012 09:03

I was mainly asking for advice on the lyrics. For some reason, I don't know if they're powerful enough.

I was going to have a bridge leading up to the solo, but this is still a work in progress, so I wanted to run what I got so far by you guys so I can make this as good as I can. I just don't want this to be a crappy song, considering people are going to donate to this album.
Hey guys, new YouTube!

http://www.youtube.com/user/PowerChordEPS

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Line 6 PodXT
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Re: My Balloon Party teaser (In a lyrical form)

Postby Evdog » 16 Feb 2012 18:15

Here's a chorus:

(Asdfasdffirstline)
She'll take you to your grave with a FUS ROH DAH
Weak and Helpless? Yeah Right.
You fillies got nothin' on Fluttershy's might!
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Re: My Balloon Party teaser (In a lyrical form)

Postby CGEyeGuy » 16 Feb 2012 18:41

Building off of what Evdog wrote

With her petrifying Eyes
She'll lead you to your
Demise!
Weak and Helpless? (Yeah Right.)
You fillies got nothin' on her might!
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Re: My Balloon Party teaser (In a lyrical form)

Postby Pickslide1992 » 16 Feb 2012 20:29

I might change the overdone Skyrim joke but I like the rest! This'll definitely fit in.
Hey guys, new YouTube!

http://www.youtube.com/user/PowerChordEPS

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2003 Gibson SG
Line 6 PodXT
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Styles: Rock, metal, pop, new wave
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Re: My Balloon Party teaser (In a lyrical form)

Postby Evdog » 17 Feb 2012 00:18

CGEyeGuy wrote:Building off of what Evdog wrote

With her petrifying Eyes
She'll lead you to your
Demise!
Weak and Helpless? (Yeah Right.)
You fillies got nothin' on her might!


Yeah, that's a lot better.
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Re: My Balloon Party teaser (In a lyrical form)

Postby Pickslide1992 » 18 Feb 2012 18:09

Evdog wrote:
CGEyeGuy wrote:Building off of what Evdog wrote

With her petrifying Eyes
She'll lead you to your
Demise!
Weak and Helpless? (Yeah Right.)
You fillies got nothin' on her might!


Yeah, that's a lot better.


I agree. I don't need any Skyrim jokes. By the time Balloon party comes to fruition, Skyrim will probably pass. (Shrug) Still a good effort.
Hey guys, new YouTube!

http://www.youtube.com/user/PowerChordEPS

Gear:
2003 Gibson SG
Line 6 PodXT
FL Studio

Styles: Rock, metal, pop, new wave
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